The Stupid Message at the Beginning of the Book

 It’s a good thing you’re reading this book. Because if you don’t read this book all the way through to the end, your head might fall off.

Which is exactly what happened to Vincent Newman. Vincent said, “No way. I’m not gonna read that book,” and then…

PLOP!

His head fell off and rolled into a field, where some dogs played soccer with it.

The final score was Bulldogs 7, Mutts 5.

 Close game.

Too bad Vincent didn’t really get to see it. 

When Jessica Phillips ignored this book, her ears turned into antlers.

It was all pretty shocking, especially when her family started hanging their coats on Jessica.

Miss Joy, one of the best librarians anywhere, recommended this book to Danny Valenti.

But he turned it down.

Within minutes, his rear end grew to the size of an elephant’s—which made it very hard for him to lie on his bed without his trunk hitting the ceiling.

(Oh yes, he had also grown a trunk.)

Rachel Brown thought about reading this book, but she decided she didn’t like its cover. Now that Rachel’s arms are 17 feet long, she realizes that it’s true —you can’t tell a book by its cover.

 Jordan Williams, who refuses to read any book, anywhere, anytime, passed up the chance to read this one and he now has a blooming shrub where he used to have hair.

It’s pretty, and the birds like it, but it’s kinda itchy.

A whole second grade class in Connecticut told their teacher they didn’t want to read this book, and now each kid is fruit-shaped. 

Billy, the banana in the second row, wishes he could be a pineapple.

No one knows exactly why turning down this book has such a powerful effect on people. 

But it never fails.

Avoid this book and you’ll face certain trouble.

Ask Vincent…

Or Jessica… 

Or Danny… 

They all wish they’d read this book. 

The good, good, good, good news is nothing that happened to any of them will happen to you. 

Your head won’t fall off. 

And you won’t grow strange or unusual body parts. 

You are 1,000,000,000% safe. 

Because you have been smart enough to read this book. 

Just be sure you read the whole book. 

To the very last word… on the very last page. 

Because nothing bad can happen to you if you read all the way through the whole book 

Seriously. 

THE END… FOR NOW